A Void Only You Can Fill
by cwc72906
Summary: After the trust between them has been shattered... Can Nathan and Haley find there way back to each other. Will they be able to repair what has been broken or is the damage done? Story takes place post Season 5 of OTH.


Haley's POV

It was nearly midnight and I couldn't sleep. For the third night in a row my mind kept me awake. Everytime I closed my eyes I would think about all the things we had been through. Nathan losing his dream in the blink of an eye... In one stupid fight gone horribly wrong. This last year had been the hardest we had ever faced and just when it seemed things were getting better, Things once again, took a turn for the worse.

I poured myself some tea after looking in on Jamie who was sound asleep in his bed and sat down at the kitchen table. My thoughts running wild. A heavy sigh escaped me as I remembered it for the hundredth time now... Nathan and carrie in our bathroom... Soaking wet from the shower and in nothing but towels. My heart shattered into a million pieces when I walked in to find this scene waiting for me when I returned home from the Ravens game two weeks ago. The moment my eyes met Nathans and saw the guillty, panicked expression in them, my stomach dropped. I closed my eyes, remembering my harsh words to him once I threw Carrie out...

"Nathan... Get out now!... Just go!"

The memory still brought tears to my eyes. Deep down in my heart I knew Nathan loved me. I knew, despite the way that I had found them that night, that he was telling me the truth when he told me there was absolutely nothing going on between them. That it was Carrie who had done this.

Truth was... I blamed myself more than Nathan. I was the one who had brought her into our lives as the nanny. I felt I needed the extra help. With Nathans rehab at the time, I was overwhelmed with all of it... My schooling and the kids I taught... Jamie and the studio with Peyton. I Should have taken the wise words of warning from Brooke before about hiring her. I guess I was just too naive to see it that way.

What weighed heavy on my heart tonight was just how careless we had been with Jamie the night he had fallen into our pool, nearly drowning.

I will never forget the panick that shot through me when I ran outside with Nathan to see him floating face down. Our baby boy... The desperate look on Nathans face when he jumped in after him and pulled him out, handing him to me. I had never been so releaved when he coughed and opened his eyes. I was so scared and hurt in the moment that I spoke the first words that came to mind... "I want a divorce Nathan..."

I stirred my tea. Thinking back to all this and standing up to look out at the pool now. The moonlight hitting it. Causing it to glow.

How did we get here? In this place where were worlds apart. I glanced down to my wedding ring, the one I had kept on since we married at just 17. Young and in love we were... Maybe too young... Maybe this is the real root to all our problems. We set out too young, believing that our love alone would conquer whatever life chose to throw at us. Looking back now, I see how very naive that thinking was.

I had told nathan two nights ago at the party we had here for Lucas and Lindsay that I was done trying to change him, and how sorry I was for ever trying in the first place. The hurt on his face when the words left my mouth now playing through in my mind.

Was I really ready to let go? Could I let go after all this time of loving him?

I set my tea down on the side board, staring blankly at the clock on the stove that read 12:45 a.m. I wondered if Nathan was awake... if he was thinking the same things I were tonight.

I glanced over to my cell phone and picked it up. I shook my head as I scrolled through my contacts to find him and just stared at his contact photo. More tears welled up as I saw his smile in the picture. One that was taken a few years back. I missed him... In every way I missed him. I Hadn't felt his arms around me while I slept for two weeks now. It felt like a huge piece of me was missing when he was gone.

I hesitantly hit the call button and lifted the phone to hear it ring twice... Three times... four... I hurridly ended the call. Feeling foolish.

What the hell am I doing? He wasn't awake and pondering our future the way I was. He was probably sleeping, like normal people do at one in the morning.

I placed my phone back on the counter and dumped the rest of my tea down the sink, running my hands through my hair in frustration and heading back up the stairs to bed. I made it to the third step when I heard my phone ringing from the kitchen. I froze and glanced back. It rang twice more before I ran back into the kitchen and picked it up. Seeing it was Nathan.

My heart lurched itself in my throat as I debated on answering it. Turns out... he was awake too.

It stopped ringing before I could make up my mind and I shook my head. Thinking maybe it was for the best that I had missed it. I kept it in my hand and walked back upstairs and into our room. The king sized bed looking so empty without him. I sat down and felt my tears return as I climbed back into bed and nestled into the comforters. Thats when I heard it again. My phone ringing... Once... Twice... Against my better judgement, I reached for it on the night stand by the lamp and answered it.

"Hey..." I said softly. Trying to hide the unshed tears in my tone from him.

"Hey Hales..." He sighed... "I'm sorry I missed your call before I..."

"It's okay... I... Just couldn't sleep..." I replied, glancing at my wedding ring again.

"I know... I can't either..." He replied. His tone sounding defeated. "How's Jamie?"

"He's good... sound asleep..." I sighed in reply.

A lingering silence fell between us before he spoke again. "Well... do you need anything... is everything okay at home?"

I couldn't bring myself to answer him. The lump in my throat making it hard to speak at all.

"Hales?" He asked upon my silence.

I cleared my throat and quickly replied... "No... No everythings ... fine Nathan..." I lied.

"Okay..." He sighed.

"Well... Um... I'll let you go so you can get some rest... big day tomorrow... for Lucas..."

"Yea... " He replied.

"Okay... I'll see you there... Bye Nathan..."

"Goodbye Hales... " He replied.

I hung up and let my tears flow, unable to hold them back any longer as I burried my face in his pillow. It still smelt like him and I took comfort in that. My tears seemed endless and I was tired of being so strong all the time. I hated what we had become.

My phone rang again. Jumping me a bit. I grabbed it and saw Nathan was calling back. I wiped my tears and answered it.

"Hi... Did you... forget something or?" I asked him.

"I miss you hales..." He said. His tone almost desperate.

"I miss you too, Nathan... " I replied truthfully. Emotion still thick in my tone. He heard it. I knew this because his own voice became strained when he replied to me.

"Can I..." He paused, and sighed... "Can I see you? Just... for tonight... please."

I sat up in bed and looked over to his side, knowing how much I missed him.

"I promise I'll leave before Jamie gets up... I don't wanna confuse him..."

"Okay..." I breathed in reply... "You have your house key... Let yourself in... I'll see you in a few minutes..."

"Okay... I'll be there..." He said before I slowly ended the call.

My head and my heart were at war with eachother. I knew how much I needed my space to think about everything... But I also could hear the need in his own tone... The kind of need I had for him right now.

I turned the lamp back off and laid down again, turning on my side, and leaving his side of the bed open. Truth was... I didn't have the energy to fight with him. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I tossed and turned for ten minutes before getting up to brush my hair and teeth and get a glass of water from the bathroom.

I glanced over to his side of the counter, seeing all his things there. Memories of us getting ready in here together every morning invaded my mind as I shut the door and laid back down.

I listened to the stillness of the night and soon heard the key in the front door. I closed my eyes, listening to him turn the key and let himself in, the door latching when he closed it behind him. His footsteps across the house and to the stairs. He took them slowly, one at a time. Which was so different from his normal, two at a time hurried pace. I waited and heard him cross the hall. I knew he was looking in on Jamie and once again my heart broke a little more for the situation we had found ourselves in. For it didn't just effect us. Nearly every morning, Jamie would wake up and ask me where daddy was. This was his routine for the last two weeks and every morning it would bring new tears to my eyes.

The bedroom door opened slowly and I glanced over to see him standing there. His leather Jacket still on. He slowly closed the door behind him. The moonlight shining in through our big window and highlighting his face as he lifted his head to meet my stare.

Those big baby blues piercing right through my own. Reading me with one look. The way they always did. He didn't speak. He simply took off his shoes and his jacket, setting it down on the dresser and walking over to me. My heart racing like it always does when he was near. Even after all this time. His eyes locking with mine as I sat up in bed.

There was so much that needed to be said but now was not the time. I was too exhausted... emotionally... to hash it out again. So I ran my hand through my hair and said the one thing I needed most right now.

"Hold me?" I whispered, looking up at him.

"Always..." He replied softly as I laid down, pulling the covers back for him. He got in bed with me. His scent... his cologne surrounding me. I turned over and stared at the far wall of our room. Feeling the bed shift under his weight. His arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me slowly back into him. His chest against my back. I closed my eyes and relished in the feeling I had missed with him. I couldn't stop the words that fell from my lips in reply...

"And Forever..."

Nathans arm tightened around me. Drawing me even closer into him. "I miss you so much..." He whispered.

" ... This house... is really big without you..." I replied... "Too big..."

I reached down for his hand. Lacing our fingers together. "I can't sleep without you... without holding you like this... just doesn't feel right."

"I'm sorry..." I whispered and closed my eyes, feeling a tear run slowly down my face.

"Hales... Please... Please don't give up on us... I'll do whatever it takes... "

His words were honest. His tone soft and pleading. I slowly turned in his arms and looked into his eyes. "I don't know Nathan... I can't stop thinking about it... you and ... her..."

He sighed and gently pressed his forehead to mine. Closing his eyes. "Nothing happened... I should have been honest with you from the beginning and I'm so sorry... I know I screwed up. But ... you have to know what you mean to me... you have to know that I would never hurt you... or us... like that."

For the first time in weeks I voiced my own insecurity to him... "She was ... pretty..." I breathed. "And.. Thinner ..." My voice shook a bit on the last word. Leaving me feeling vunerable. I hated that feeling.

Nathans eyes flew open, and he pulled back a bit. His eyes meeting mine. "What?" He breathed, a look of disbelief on his face... "Hales..." He started. But I shook my head and stopped him.

"It's true Nathan..."

"No... She doesn't hold a candle to you. Not even close."

I grew silent and laid my head on his chest...

"We're not like we used to be... "

He ran his fingers through my hair. "My love for you is the same... if not stronger ... Don't you see that?"

"It' s not all your fault... I shouldn't have hired her... I should have known better. I mean... we barely make time for eachother... and here I am hiring a hot nanny..." I sighed and turned back over. His arm wrapping back around me and pulling me back into his chest. He placed his chin on my shoulder.

"You're wrong Hales... I should have handled it better when she started flirting with me. I should have told you the truth right away and I'm so sorry... "

"How did we get here Nathan?" I asked. Tears now heavy in my tone. He tightened his grip on me before answering.

"I don't know... But I know that I love you Haley and we can work through this... Please... "

I thought back to all we had already gone through and all we had faced before. From me leaving him for my dream and touring when we were just juniors in high school, to the point shaving scheme and Dante hitting me with the car that night. I remembered how scared Nathan was when I came to. How we could have lost Jamie before we even knew him. I turned back around in his arms and wrapped my own arms around his neck. This suprised him and me too, if I'm being honest.

I began to cry. His arms instinctively wrapping back around me and holding me flush to him. I was scared that we had been through too much this time to fix it. After all... how many times can you break something before it is unable to be repaired?

"Tell me what to do Hales... And I'll do it... anything... I love you so much..."

His tone broke me, because I knew how sincerely he meant it. My worry was I didn't have the fight in me again for this.

"What if we can't fix it this time... What if it's not enough..." I cried to him.

"We can fix this... You and Jamie are the best part of me... I'll do whatever we need to fix this... Let me fix us... please ... Don't lose sight of what we have... I don't wanna lose you... not ever..."

I took a deep breath and nodded once..."Okay... I'll Try... I do love you Nathan..." I breathed and leaned my forehead against his. My eyes closing and my heart feeling heavy. We lingered there for a few moments before I felt his lips slowly brush mine. I opened my eyes to see him staring at me. A look of love, lust and devotion all rolled into one. My breath hitched as we looked into eachothers eyes. Neither one saying anything.

Once again I felt the pull to him. That magnetic draw he always had over me and the battle between my head and my heart raged on. My head was slowly losing ground though as he held my body to his. I needed him and I knew this and it scared me for us all at the same time.

"Nathan..." I breathed, bringing my lips to his. I slowly kissed him and felt him return my desire with his own. My body and heart screaming for him. A hollow void in me for the last two weeks that only he could fill. His tongue swept over my bottom lip, asking for entrance and I surrendered it to him.

My body warming to his own, as our kissing continued. His hands roaming down my back. Bringing his body even closer to my own. There was no space between us as my hands found there way into his hair. My tongue moving with his. I brought my hands down to his navy blue dress shirt. The one I had bought him for his Birthday last year. I quickly began to undo the buttons one at a time until I reached the last one. Nathan slowly laid me beneath him and finished taking off his shirt. Leaving himelf bare chested. His well defined muscles on display. His low slung jeans, revealing his V shape.

It didn't matter how long we had been together, or how many times we had made love... each time felt special... each time like the first. I sat up and stripped off my white lace tank top, tossing it to the floor and pulling Nathan back down on top of me. His lips crashing onto mine. A low maon escaping him.

"Hales..." He breathed, settling himself between my legs. His body pressing with mine. Desire coursed through me from his touch... his kiss... his caress. I ached for him. Needed to be one with him desperately.

He broke our kiss and began placing open mouthed kisses down my neck, lingering on my pulse point. A gasp leaving my lips. He took his time, working his way down to my chest and trailing down my stomach. "Hales..." He breathed again once he reached the top of my silk shorts. He lifted his head, eyes meeting mine, searching them for permission the way he always would. The way he had done with me the first time we made love.

I nodded once to him and felt him begin to slide the silk down my thighs until they fell to the floor. His warm breath on my lower abdomen. I felt his sensual kissing continue to my inner thigh causing a moan to leave me. I could feel him settle himself between my legs again. My hips rocking against him. Creathing a rythm between us and driving me wild.

His lips found mine. His perfect tongue once again invading my mouth. My head whirled and my heart pounded, as I ran my fingertips slowly down his chest and toned abs, stopping at his belt and quickly undoing it, along with his jeans. Nathan quickly stood up and took them off. Leaving him in his black boxers. My eyes wandering over him. Taking him in. His eyes fixed on mine as he moved back in bed with me.

His warm hands moving up my outer thighs and stopping at my red lace underwear. He slowly pulled them down and tossed them to the floor. He drew himself up, reaching behind me and unhooking my bra. Sliding the straps down my arms Till My breast were bare in front of him. I couldn't take my eyes from him as he leaned back down. Hovering above me. Adoration flowing from his eyes to mine. "You're so beautiful Hales..." He whispered, as he brought his soft full lips to mine again. Kissing me slowly. Taking his time.

I savored the feel of his lips on mine and felt them move back to my neck and down my stomach, hovering just above my sex. He trailed kisses from my right ankle all the way up to my inner most thigh. I gasped and threw my head back when I felt his warm breath at my sex. His warm tongue, slowly and sensually caressing me intimately now.

"Nathan..." I gasped as his hand reached for mine at my side. Lacing our fingers together. My body blazed as he continued. My back arching off the bed. His tongue caressed me over and over, my body on the brink of release for him. I squeezed his hand in mine and felt my climax run through me. I cried out. My back arching again. He brought his lips to mine quickly in an attempt to muffle my cries for Jamie's sake.

I kissed him back with devine need and broke our kiss to cry out again when I felt his fingers begin to caress my inner folds. Pushing me to another climax as he inserted two of them. "I love you Hales... So much..." He breathed and locked eyes with me as he continued to touch me.

"I love you too Nathan..." I whispered, feeling breathless and wanting to be one with him again. I brought my hands up between us and touched the hem of his boxers.

"Make love to me Nathan... Please..." I moaned. Need thick in my tone to him.

"Always..." He replied and stood up. Quickly taking off his boxers and stripping away the last piece of fabric that seperated us. He moved back up my body slowly, settling himself between my naked thighs. I moaned and kissed him with all of me. My tongue parting his full lips and working with his own.

I could feel his heart hammering against his chest and his breath ragged at my ear as his warm hand cupped my breast. His thumb caressing my nipple, causing my back to arch up. Nathan moaned aloud. His lips leaving mine and his forhead resting against my own as I reached down between us and touched him. Feeling his desire for me there and kissing him once more as I guided him into me. My breath caught in my throat when I felt the two of us become one again. His body trembled and my name fell from his lips as I reached for his hand, and he intertwined our fingers. "Haley..." He breathed and slowly eased himself all the way into me. I moaned and released his hand. Placing them on either side of his face. His eyes meeting mine. His lips swollen from our kissing.

I cradled his face and spoke soflty to him..." I've missed you Nathan... " I said, gently kissing his forehead before bringing my lips back to his.

He kissed me with abandon and began to move within me. Slowly at first... Always taking his time with me. Its the way he always was with me. Careful... treating me like delicate merchandise. Never too rough but always enough. His body molded to my own the way it always had. We fit perfectly. I felt safe and secure in him. Knowing that he would always protect me.

My back arched up when he began to increase his pace. Hitting the right spot within me. I cried out and threw my head to the side. Trying to keep from being too loud. But with every thrust he made, that became more difficult. Nathan sensed this and brought his lips to mine. Muffling my cries of passion. He slipped his arm under me. Pulling me flush to him. Making every thrust go deeper within me. My body hummed with passion for him. Sweat began to roll down his chest and mix with my own. In this moment, my mind began to race back to all the times we had shared and all the ways he loved me. My emotions began to hit me hard as memories of us flooded my mind. I broke our kiss. Feeling his body go rigid with an approaching release for him. His muscles solid and his hansdome face so close to mine.

"Nathan..." I breathed. Cradling his face ..." I love you... always and forever... I promise..." I panted. His eyes met mine. Tears rimming them...

"I love you too much to ever let you go baby... Always and forever... I promise too."

His words were my undoing and my body arched up into his own as a powerful climax took me under. Leaving me breathless and trembling beneath him. I couldn't stop the moans that came from me or the many times I called out his name. My body felt alive and almost electric. Every touch from him would send me over the edge. Every thrust making my body crave more.

He lifted me up in one swift movement. Settling me on his lap. Never breaking our intimate contact. I threw my head back, feeling him go even deeper within me. His hands moved up my back and into my hair while he took my right nipple into his mouth. His tongue swirling around it. I began to move my hips back and forth. Working myself on top of him.

I gasped and gently pushed him down onto his back. His eyes full of lust for me as they found mine. I moved on top of him. His eyes watching me intently. My hands on his chest. I searched his eyes for doubt. Feeling a bit insecure myself. Being this revealed and vunerable to him. I didn't have to voice this. Nathan already knew.

"Do what you feel Hales... I've got you..." He breathed to me. His hands settling on my hips. To help steady me. To let me know he was there.

I moved my hips and found my own rythm. His warm hands never leaving my hips. He went with my motion and I watched him close his eyes and his breathing become ragged. A sense of power shot through me. To know he was there for my vulnerability. I kept going until I felt another orgasm spread through me. Leaving me spent. I couldn't go anymore. I called out his name and My eyes flew open to see Nathan watching me. My every move. Sweat was now covering our bodies. His eyes searching mine. He sat up and pressed me to him. I was trembling as He kissed me, still holding me securely to him as he laid me back down beneath him. "I've got you Hales... I've got you..."

He nestled his face into my neck. Gently kissing me there before moving within me. His pace faster than before. "I'll love you forever Haley Scott..." He breathed out to me. I opened my eyes and touched his face. Seeing the sincerity in his eyes. He moaned my name... "Hales... Oh Hales...".

His release hitting him and sending me into another climax. Being this close to him and making love to him like this made me forget our troubles. If only for a little while.

His thrusting slowed and He lowered himself down onto me. His heart hammering through his chest. I wrapped my arms around him. Holding him to me. Feeling his body tremble with my own.

Silence surrounded us. The only sound was that of our heavy breathing. Minutes passed and time seemed to stand still. I ran my fingers through his hair as his head stayed on my chest. I noticed he was asleep in minutes and just held him for a while. The teenage boy I loved who had turned into the husband... father and man he is today. I knew we would need some time and maybe even some therapy, but how could I not try for him. I had to. For him... for me... for all of us.

An hour passed and I noticed it was nearly three in the morning. I slowly moved out from under Nathan and covered him up. He didn't stir and he looked peaceful for the first time in two weeks.

I grabbed some clothes and tip toed into the bathroom, turning on the shower. The steam filled the room as I jumped in and let the water sooth me. Relaxing my muscles. I closed my eyes and cursed the images of Nathan being naked in this same shower with carrie. I willed away the tears and felt two strong arms wrap around me. Catching me off guard. I placed my arms over his, securing him to me. Trying to rid the aweful feeling from before.

Nathan leaned his head down, pressing his cheek to mine. "What are you thinking about...?" He asked me softly...

" I wanna fix us Nathan..." I said. Leaning my head back on his chest.

"Me too Hales... me too " He slowly turned me. His eyes serious now. "Do you have any idea how much I love you? What you said before... at the party... Hales you changed me for the good. You made me wanna be a better person... someone whose worthy of you... "

I instantly felt regret for what I had said... for more than just one thing. "I'm sorry Nathan... I was angry..."

"You had a right to be. Just know how much I love you. And that I'm not going anywhere without a fight because we're worth it... All of it..."

"I know... it's just.. the memory of it ... seeing you guys like that...in here..." I cringed and pulled back from him a bit. Pain crossed his features for a moment before he pulled me back to him.

"Let's make a new memory..." He said. His lips near mine. Water cascading down both of us. "Right now..." He breathed as he Captured my lips. Desire pooled between my legs as my hands roamed his chest. He paused and grabbed the washcloth, pouring body wash on it and began washing my back. He wrapped an arm around me and began washing my front. I grabbed a second washcloth and returned the favor. He washed my hair for me and I for him. When we were rinsed he pulled me into him.

"Come here Hales..." His lips taking mine. His tongue meeting my own. Our kissing seemed endless and my heart raced when we broke for air. He slowly spun me around and pressed me back into him. A low moan building in the back of my throat. I leaned forward and placed my hands on the shower wall as he eased himself inside of me. His hands-on my hips as he began to move. His thrusts slow and deliberate.

"Nathan..." I moaned.

"I love you." He moaned in reply.

I was panting in seconds, feeling myself start to come apart at his touch. He suddenly stopped and gently withdrew himself from me. Leaving me craving him in the worst way. He reached for me, turning me to face him. Seeing the question in my eyes. "I wanna see your face baby... Thats all... " he said breathlessly and hoisted me up in his arms just as the water began to run cold. I shivered and he turned it off. Carrying me out into our bedroom and laying me there beneath him. He quickly wrapped the covers over us and settled himself between my wet naked thighs, easing himself back into me. Watching me closely as he did. His eyes never leaving my face. My hands roamed his back and moved into his hair. My body coming alive again under his touch.

I moaned and kissed him to muffle the sound. My emotions came back in the moment and I couldn't swallow back the tears like before. I let them come. When Nathan pulled back he saw them and slowed instantly. "Hales..." He breathed. Concern etched in his tone. I shook my head.

"No... no these are good tears Nathan... I promise..."

He looked at me with real worry for a moment. I encouraged him to keep going by bringing my hips up to meet his thrusts. He leaned down and kissed my tears away. His thrusts going deeper than before. He nestled his head close to my neck. And I held onto him. Wanting to be as close as I could get to him.

"Don't let me go Nathan..." I said through tears.

He wrapped his arm under me, drawing my body flush to his. "Never Hales... Never..."

His sincere reply made my heart warm. Somewhere, deep down, I knew we would be okay. I had to believe that. He was never one to claim he was perfect and I knew this when I married him. I knew that despite his short comings he was always humble enough to admit when he was wrong. I had to believe that eventhough he was wrong for lying to me at first, that he had learned from it. One look in his blue eyes told me how sorry he was. Our relationship was built on forgiveness and understanding. Without it now... what did we have?


End file.
